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Grief. For You, My Sweet Alpha

Pictures of Claire and Alpha

I know it sounds crazy, but I smelt my Alpha last night. I was in the kitchen and I suddenly smelt his fur and instinctively said, “Alpha”. I got goosebumps as I immediately felt his presence. 

I am still grieving, even though it’s been almost 20 months since he left me. Grief is a nasty demon that creeps up on you when you least expect it. They say deep grief means deep love. I can confirm that this is true. I grieve for my Alpha every day, but the wave of emotions I feel right now is inexplicable.

I’ve been told that I should move on many times. There is no right or wrong way to do it, and it should not be over when people say it should. 

I don’t even know what to tell people anymore. I am grateful for those who listen to me talk about my Alpha without judgement. Those who want to know about our story, our bond, our soulmate relationship. There is no shame in expressing grief, reminiscing over long-gone memories, and seeking support. 

They say time heals, and it might for some, but for others like me, time just teaches you to live with the pain. And that is completely fine. I watch videos of my Alpha and cry myself to sleep sometimes, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Alpha was more than a dog to me;  he was my entire world. I am still picking up the shattered pieces, and that’s okay. 

The best thing you can do when grieving is fill your time with something you enjoy doing. In my case, I go to the gym, and when I can’t, I write, as I am doing now. Putting your feelings on paper gives them a channel out of your head. I find this makes them easier to process. 

The next time you feel grief, acknowledge it, experience it, and embrace it. It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay to talk about it. Express your emotions and let your tears go. It only means that you have love in your heart, something this world needs more of.

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